Daniella Robicsek Botnick1
Twenty-five years ago, a renowned physician approached me in shul with a question that still echoes: “Why did my daughter get a B on her history essay?” I explained that the assignment didn’t fully meet the criteria for an A. The parent’s response was startling: “How could that be? I wrote it myself!”
As an educator for over two decades, I’ve seen this scenario play out in many forms. Parents don’t often admit to having done their children’s work for them, but they do often object to grades they feel are lower than they should have been. When I offer students the chance to revise their work, many parents intervene, either urging me to stop “putting so much pressure” on their child or arguing that my grading is unfair to begin with.
While parents naturally want what’s best for their children, shielding them from all pressure can hinder their ability to learn from mistakes. I believe one of the most vital lessons we can teach our children is how to fail well.
We all fail; we all have room to grow. The best learning happens when we confront our mistakes and resist the urge to give up. Improvement comes from persistent effort, from continuously working at something.
Chazal teach us:
מָקוֹם שֶׁבַּעֲלֵי תְשׁוּבָה עוֹמְדִין – צַדִּיקִים גְּמוּרִים אֵינָם עוֹמְדִין.
[In] a place where ba’alei teshuva [=those who have repented] stand, [even] the purely righteous cannot stand.
We are all potential ba’alei teshuva, because every time we sin or simply fall short of our potential, we have the opportunity to return and to grow. But why does the ba’al teshuva stand higher than the tzaddik who never sinned? Because the ba’al teshuva not only learns to do what’s right, but has had to first unlearn what was wrong. Undoing ingrained habits is one of the greatest challenges of teshuva. When we’re accustomed to doing something a certain way, breaking that pattern is incredibly difficult.
The biggest obstacle to change is the desire for a quick fix. When progress feels slow, it’s easy to become discouraged and quit. Overcoming our natural inclination to give up – and noticing the small, incremental changes along the way – requires immense strength.
As an educational consultant and coach, I work with parents and children whose needs aren’t fully met by standard school support systems. One of my most effective tools is a simple checklist to track progress. For example, I might start with a small goal such as remembering to bring paper to class for notetaking. Students can self-assess or their teacher can evaluate them, depending on the child. This process allows students to see weekly improvements, giving them the encouragement to keep going. We gradually add more challenges, and I keep these checklists for students to reflect on later. It’s remarkable how quickly they forget their progress. Our self-defeating thoughts can be the greatest barrier to change, which is why becoming a ba’al teshuva is such a triumph – it requires overcoming the inner voice that urges us to give up and persist through slow, incremental change.
One of the most important lessons we can teach our children, especially by modeling it, is how to persevere even when progress is slow and messy. To be a ba’al teshuva is to embrace failure as an opportunity for growth, to chip away at bad habits, and to keep moving forward. By modeling and teaching this resilience, we empower our children to stand in a place even the purely righteous cannot reach.
1Mrs. Daniella Robicsek Botnick, originally from Toronto, has been an educator for the past 25 years. Currently she is the Project-Based Learning Coordinator for the boys’ division at the Hebrew Academy of Cleveland. She is also an educational consultant and coach for parents whose children are struggling in school. Her goal is to help students who are untraditional learners succeed by consulting with their parents, administrators, and teachers to create a cohesive plan that reaches these students’ hearts and minds.
